Irrational Rationalization
This must be a new speed record for my consecutive posts.
Okay, so I haven't been doing nothing the past few days. I've probably done more in these few days than I have at any other time combined. It just hasn't been school related. At the moment it's all definitely been worth it. I'm having fun, getting out, doing something other than being cooped up in my room with nothing else to do.
In a seeminglyoff-topic topic, I have two pieces of paper in front of me. I've held them for quite awhile, they're both frailed and faded. I've held them dear to my heart and now I find myself not knowing what to do with them. I've pondered what to do with them once before but made a decision that ended up only leaving me with the grief I face now.
This is retarded. It's two small pieces of paper. In some ways they hold memories, in some ways they hold pain. To discard them to me is like an acceptance of forgetting. Whether it be the few minutes after this post or in the following days, weeks, perhaps months, they will end up at the bottom of a wastebasket.
Where am I going? Where am I now? Why am I here and what got me here?
I could be entering another vicious cycle. I could be entering into something I've fabricated in my mind. Could it be possible that I've created a facade in my mind as something that I truly believed was possible? Could it be possible?
I find myself at the end of a hallway at the very last door. Every door before that I had skipped by. I've focused on this one door at the end of the hall, the whole time imagining what could be behind it. The endless thoughts, ideas, and images that I have spewn from my mind are what I believe are behind that door.
Do I turn the knob and continue, or turn around and continue through one of the endless arbitrary doors?
[quite the mood shift from the previous recent posts, eh?]
Okay, so I haven't been doing nothing the past few days. I've probably done more in these few days than I have at any other time combined. It just hasn't been school related. At the moment it's all definitely been worth it. I'm having fun, getting out, doing something other than being cooped up in my room with nothing else to do.
In a seeminglyoff-topic topic, I have two pieces of paper in front of me. I've held them for quite awhile, they're both frailed and faded. I've held them dear to my heart and now I find myself not knowing what to do with them. I've pondered what to do with them once before but made a decision that ended up only leaving me with the grief I face now.
This is retarded. It's two small pieces of paper. In some ways they hold memories, in some ways they hold pain. To discard them to me is like an acceptance of forgetting. Whether it be the few minutes after this post or in the following days, weeks, perhaps months, they will end up at the bottom of a wastebasket.
Where am I going? Where am I now? Why am I here and what got me here?
I could be entering another vicious cycle. I could be entering into something I've fabricated in my mind. Could it be possible that I've created a facade in my mind as something that I truly believed was possible? Could it be possible?
I find myself at the end of a hallway at the very last door. Every door before that I had skipped by. I've focused on this one door at the end of the hall, the whole time imagining what could be behind it. The endless thoughts, ideas, and images that I have spewn from my mind are what I believe are behind that door.
Do I turn the knob and continue, or turn around and continue through one of the endless arbitrary doors?
[quite the mood shift from the previous recent posts, eh?]
5 Comments:
"here am I going? Where am I now? Why am I here and what got me here?"
I seem to recall a Highschool kid who would bust his ass all the time for every class for every extra school related thing he did.
Why did he do this? Because he had a Dream... a dream to be an eye doctor. You didn't work your ass off to get the best marks you could in Highschool to get into waterloo for nothing.
Did you ever stop to think… You're walking by all these other doors. Other doors? Those doors aren't doors. Everytime you walk past one, you skip past people, places, possibilities and more. Sometimes a person can be so blinded by ambition, that they no longer have their life in focus. I have told you much before... but it seems that it's made no impact. That's okay right? Just another door…
Justin, that was bloody insightful, and well said. I couldn't agree more; I went though high school thinking I was up against these doors that I never was brave enough to cross through... Really though, you let life pass you by when you hold yourself back wondering just as much as when you decide to take certain "doors". It's what you choose to let pass you by, and when.
And no, not much of a mood shift. You're in emo-core mode! If/when you can, check out the following albums:
The Arcade Fire - Funeral
Stars - Heart.
Oh, by the way. Vicious cycle, or viscous cycle? Because if it's the latter, I don't think anyone wants to hear about it.
Sick.
Believe me, Justin, I appreciate all the times you've talked with me when I've needed it. Although I may have only taken some of what you've said into affect it's always helped. But as you said yourself, some of us are so blinded by ambition that our lives have lost focus... I live life through ambition likes it's job. All through my life it's always been something I've set forth for and I focus on that one thing. I can be told to look around a million times, but maybe only the millionth and oneth [is that a word? lol] time will it have an effect.
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