My seatbelt failed me
So life takes a big twist. One moment everything's all good, the next it's thrown through the windshield. Well, I guess not that dramatic.
Tomorrow [more like in a few hours], my mom leaves for Toronto for six weeks for family matters. Along with her own luggage, she is taking a lot of the things I'll need for living all alone in Waterloo. So pretty much overnight a big chunk of I guess, me, is gone approximately 3500 kilometers away.
I gotta say, I really did not think moving away was going to be such a big deal... or this hard. Not more than a half a year ago was I thinking I couldn't wait to move. Now I pretty much think the opposite, but I guess for different reasons. I still think that I'm lucky to get to continue my education at the University of Waterloo and I'm grateful for the opportunity, it just I wish some things could be different.
Just trying to think of things to pack up is hard for me to do. It puts me in a sad, if not sour mood. I start to think of other things, like just before I move, when I move, and after I move. What will change? What will stay the same? What do I wish could stay the same...
I think I'm starting to jump to conclusions in my mind. I'm beginning to do as I always did before - over analyze everything. Instead of just carrying on in the moment I'm thinking of worst-case scenarios, the worst possibilities - pretty much just making myself feel down.
I fear the worst. Really, it's not the worst. "Trust me... You'll live through this" Thanks. It really puts in my head the realities to my situation. Sure, in a few years I could possibly look back and either forget about this all or it'll just be another memory... but I can't help but worry and fret and tear myself up inside because it's happening now. It's not something I'm looking back on, it's in my face, at this second - I have to experience it right now. Right now it's what matters to me.
I'm happy, I truly am. Atleast I was. To be honest I don't think I could have said that many times before, if at all. Perhaps some could think I'm thinking too highly of the moment, and that really, I shouldn't be flying so high for one thing shouldn't mean so much to me. Perhaps they're right, and perhaps they're wrong. All that matters is that I really am happy and they can't take that from me.
But it has been. Not by someone or something, but by time. It tears me up inside that things turn out the way they do. Who knows, maybe what I think the scenario is, isn't. Perchance what I believe would be great would happen. Others like to say that there is that chance, and that it's not something that would easily not happen. I like to hear it but when I think of the realities, I just don't think so. This could be overwhelming to others. Maybe I should have kept all this to myself. Maybe I'm just making it all worse.
All I have left is to fear the worst, over analyze the situation, and jump to conclusions. Of course, the times when I'm not doing any, I'll be happy.
Time just goes faster when there's so little left.
Tomorrow [more like in a few hours], my mom leaves for Toronto for six weeks for family matters. Along with her own luggage, she is taking a lot of the things I'll need for living all alone in Waterloo. So pretty much overnight a big chunk of I guess, me, is gone approximately 3500 kilometers away.
I gotta say, I really did not think moving away was going to be such a big deal... or this hard. Not more than a half a year ago was I thinking I couldn't wait to move. Now I pretty much think the opposite, but I guess for different reasons. I still think that I'm lucky to get to continue my education at the University of Waterloo and I'm grateful for the opportunity, it just I wish some things could be different.
Just trying to think of things to pack up is hard for me to do. It puts me in a sad, if not sour mood. I start to think of other things, like just before I move, when I move, and after I move. What will change? What will stay the same? What do I wish could stay the same...
I think I'm starting to jump to conclusions in my mind. I'm beginning to do as I always did before - over analyze everything. Instead of just carrying on in the moment I'm thinking of worst-case scenarios, the worst possibilities - pretty much just making myself feel down.
I fear the worst. Really, it's not the worst. "Trust me... You'll live through this" Thanks. It really puts in my head the realities to my situation. Sure, in a few years I could possibly look back and either forget about this all or it'll just be another memory... but I can't help but worry and fret and tear myself up inside because it's happening now. It's not something I'm looking back on, it's in my face, at this second - I have to experience it right now. Right now it's what matters to me.
I'm happy, I truly am. Atleast I was. To be honest I don't think I could have said that many times before, if at all. Perhaps some could think I'm thinking too highly of the moment, and that really, I shouldn't be flying so high for one thing shouldn't mean so much to me. Perhaps they're right, and perhaps they're wrong. All that matters is that I really am happy and they can't take that from me.
But it has been. Not by someone or something, but by time. It tears me up inside that things turn out the way they do. Who knows, maybe what I think the scenario is, isn't. Perchance what I believe would be great would happen. Others like to say that there is that chance, and that it's not something that would easily not happen. I like to hear it but when I think of the realities, I just don't think so. This could be overwhelming to others. Maybe I should have kept all this to myself. Maybe I'm just making it all worse.
All I have left is to fear the worst, over analyze the situation, and jump to conclusions. Of course, the times when I'm not doing any, I'll be happy.
Time just goes faster when there's so little left.
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