Stressed out

Gah, I'm getting so stressed out. I feel like there's so much to do and so little time. So much that it's daunting. I can't seem to relax anymore, there's always something to worry about. Whether it's studying for the OAT, studying for finals, getting assignments done, making sure I balance studying between the OAT and my finals or else if my mark drops by 0.6% this is all a waste of time. Getting a reference letter from a prof and an optometrist, thinking about what to do about living arrangements for next year, whether I'll live in residence, apply to be a Don, look for somewhere to live. Then there's the what if I don't get into Waterloo, where should I go? Where should I apply? What's going to happen and change? And then every minute of the day I'm thinking I should be studying or working on something yet I'm so sick and tired of it all... I can't relax. I can't entirely enjoy anything I do. I'm even wasting time writing this blog! I should be sleeping! AHHH.

2007, you better be a good year. It feels like school has been going for 15 months straight and there's still 5 more to go...

I need to sleep for a week or something.

Regression

I can't seem to do the simplest things anymore. What once took seconds now takes hours.

Fuck I'm getting retarded... it's very disconcerting.

An update!

Yes, I know it's been awhile.

So what's new with Woo you ask? Not much. School is my life. I finished six straight weeks of midterms, huzzah. Now I have assignments and quizzes left and some pre-labs for a lab that I'm barely passing. That's a different story.

So I had a potentially-but-most-likely-not-life-changing-moment when I decided to write the Optometry Admissions Test (OAT) before the end of the year so I can apply to Waterloo's School of Optometry. I figure I try it out once this time see how it goes, if I do well it's one less thing to worry about. If I do shitty, I can do it again in the summer... Sure it shows that I did it twice but the second time around I better do damned well.

My future seems to be dimming and getting brighter at the same time. The closer I get to graduation the closer it seems that I'll either be in Optometry or I'll be going home with a useless degree and nothing to show for it except burning a hole in my dad's wallet.

Okay, so I exaggerate a little. A degree is better than no degree and at the moment my chances of getting into Optometry in the United States is perfectly fine [minus the ridiculous amount of references I need] however I prefer to stay in Canada.

Why? For one thing, if I don't get into Canada it'll probably the first and most significant thing in my life that I'll have failed to achieve. I've had a good life. I've been able to accomplish pretty much anything I've ever wanted education-wise. Going to the States for school not only means paying more and having to move away from a place I'm settled in again and having to confront a whole new strange way of life - that's all fine and dandy. It's having the "sorry but you're not accepted" to the one place I want to go. It's having that one failure happen to be the one major thing that you need to have passed.

My friends and my past friends have known me to be someone that's smart and could possibly achieve anything I've ever wanted. It's hard to think that I'm no longer that person. Not going to Waterloo's School of Optometry is failure in my mind. I don't want to have to settle for anything else.

It's "do or die" time. If I want to get into Waterloo Optometry I need to kick it into gear for my last year and a half. If not, who knows...