Five Zero Zero
Yay for 500 hits. Hit me baby one more time.
Where the hell did that come from? It's late. I'm just finding any random excuse to post something. It's like talking to no one and someone at the same time. Someone will read this sooner or later. Of course it's all useless rambling but hey, that's how life is sometimes. I'm enjoying a change in life. It's been the same thing over and over and over for the past few months. It's nice to enjoy something different.
I wanna write another emo post but it's just not flowing right now. blah blah blah. Who the hell enjoys reading this? Then again, I enjoy reading other people's blogs. I guess there's a side of people you just don't see all the time expressed in these things. Meh, so here's some random shit. Life's looking up. At the moment I'm kind of thinking two months left in Calgary is going to be short. I'm starting to think I'm going to hate the days I have off work since there's nothing to do. I'm really starting to look forward to applying for that job at Moores. Why do I stay up so friggin' late? My stomach hurts. What the heck am I listening to? I lead a boring life.
"Let's hear about you."
Fuck. What's there to know. I don't have anything interesting to say. I'm a simple guy with a simple life. Work hard in school. Get a good job. Make money. Live a happy life. I guess there's the "meet someone special" in there part. What an adventure that'll be. :P I have no interesting stories. I'm the picture that gets put next to "Boring" in the dictionary. I'm a loss for words when it comes to entertaining stories of myself. Maybe I don't find them entertaining as stories seeing as I lived through them and don't find them anything unusual. Or not. Bluh, I can retell the past few years consisting of doing homework and sleeping [less due to the friggin' homework. It's ironic now that I don't have homework I stay up all night.] with the occasional playing of video games. Fuck, I spent a lot of my life playing video games. Video games are fun and all but they just seem to have lost their appeal. I could kill countless hours in front of this box infact even brushing off my friends to play games. Then semester two of grade twelve came along and bootstomped me into the friggin' curb. I didn't have time to play video games, but then again I did waste a lot of time on MSN [my new addiction]. Now I've just gotten used to not playing games much. TV has lost it's appeal too, I need more interaction. I guess that's why MSN is so nice. I keep in contact with friends [since I don't normally like using the phone] and at the same time it kills time and is most of the time, fun.
I need something to do. I need someone/people to spend time with. Sure, I already have a small handful of friends I spend time with but I don't know... it just doesn't completely fill that void. lol Yeah, I know what I'd want but I'm just a chicken to say it on here. I'm sure some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Others are thinking, "What the fuck?" It's not like I've grown up in a "touchy-feely" kind of family. In some ways I don't mind it at all, but I'm sure at times it would just be easier if it were.
Two months. That's a long time and yet at the same time too short of a time. I could try filling that void. It would be nice for that time and then two months later it's become nothing. Where would I begin? How will it end? What would happen? Who would be there?
Who knows. I first thought the whole moving out bit would be damn cool. It still is but I just think I'm going to miss where I'm at right now a lot. Sure, what I'm at right now I sometimes think is pure shit but when it comes down to the truth, I have it a whole lot better than most. I'm glad at where I am. I wasn't given some sort of debilitating disease [that I know of], major troubles in school, a giant nose, a personality that people don't enjoy, a shitty family, or even a family that has to struggle with money. Sure I'm a lanky, weak guy but it's better than many of the other options. School isn't hard for the most part and an education is key to success in a life where I don't have the look that makes girls weak in the knees or am able to do amazingly well in a sport. People like me, and I like people. For the most part people enjoy my company, or so I'm led to believe. I haven't had many enemies, or made any by my actions, or so I hope. I'm glad I can get along with people easily. I've got it damned good and occasionally I forget that.
Life, especially your own, can be made to look like shit. Stop. Take a step back and just think. There are people out there in some pretty shitty situations and are still happy with themselves. We all have shitty times and we're all going to think our lives suck every once in awhile. Infact, I wouldn't doubt by tomorrow or even in a few hours I could be thinking just that.
If it's possible to dwell on one thing to make everything else look terrible, is it not possible to focus on one thing and make everything look beautiful? Try it. I sure will. I just have to find that subject first.
I guess this post did turn out pretty emo afterall. I just started typing and it came out like an extra strong dose of Exlax. [I've never had Exlax, I hear it comes in chocolate flavours.]
That was a lot of typing. I'm sure most is rambling, some actual thoughts, some out of pure fatigue. I'll read it sometime, perhaps tomorrow or even a few years from now and think, "What the hell was I talking about." or "Hrm, that makes sense." Maybe even, "What the fuck was I smoking?"
Who knows, there's a piece of my mind most of you wouldn't hear, probably even some I wouldn't tell myself... if that makes sense at all. I'm sure most of you look at this and simply won't read it because of it's length. Whatever. Maybe someone out there will read it and it'll make them think. Either way atleast I had an effect. I don't even know if I intended for this post to have a purpose or meaning. I just did it for the hell of it. Some strange urge.
The sun has risen. Shit. I'm tired, I just don't want to waste precious time. Precious time for what, I do not know. I guess I just would rather experience live conciously than miss most of it while I'm asleep. Then again, sleep can be a whole other reality, a reality that you might not be able to experience. But there can be the disappointment of waking up and realizing that none of it was real.
Sometimes I wonder what the purpose of dreams are. What are the meanings to them? I know there are books and articles on the meaning of dreams, but whoever wrote them aren't you and aren't having your dreams or living your life. How does something affect your dreams? To what extent do you control dreams? To what extent do your dreams control you?
If I don't stop typing - What? You know, I don't think there is a consequence to that. I mean, all that really happens is a handful of people read more ramblings from my mind. Hell, if you've read this much I guess it must be interesting or entertaining. Maybe you think I'm crazy or weird. I like being weird, it's better than being normal. What exactly is normal though... Hrm, maybe I am normal and I just wish I was weird. How about that thinking you're just a bit more special than most? I like to think that. It sounds conceited - but I guess it is. Realization that you're not can be shitty but it puts things into a new perspective. It could change things. Better or worse... Change is nice.
Life is full of change. Sometimes you don't notice. I think this is already along the lines of what I was talking about before. I'll stop there.
This is like mental diarrhea. The shit just doesn't stop. What is that? The third time I said I'd stop typing? These fingers have a mind of their own. I know my brain is saying, "Don't type that. That doesn't make any sense. You shouldn't be saying that. Stop." but the fingers keep tapping. Tap, tap, tap. Like a leaky faucet there are times when what's inside just seeps out, and when it does, it keeps going and going. Sometimes someone comes along and helps you out. Sometimes you just keep leaking.
What the fuck. Okay, I really need to stop. Now I'm just "talking" to myself. Perhaps I shall just post this, let people read it, see if it gets a reaction, read it myself, and then check myself into the looney bin. haha. Whatever, I'm sane and I like it.
Self appreciation... Appreciation of others... That's a whole 'nother subject. Perhaps I will "ooze" about that some other time.
I wonder how many words this is.
STOP.
Where the hell did that come from? It's late. I'm just finding any random excuse to post something. It's like talking to no one and someone at the same time. Someone will read this sooner or later. Of course it's all useless rambling but hey, that's how life is sometimes. I'm enjoying a change in life. It's been the same thing over and over and over for the past few months. It's nice to enjoy something different.
I wanna write another emo post but it's just not flowing right now. blah blah blah. Who the hell enjoys reading this? Then again, I enjoy reading other people's blogs. I guess there's a side of people you just don't see all the time expressed in these things. Meh, so here's some random shit. Life's looking up. At the moment I'm kind of thinking two months left in Calgary is going to be short. I'm starting to think I'm going to hate the days I have off work since there's nothing to do. I'm really starting to look forward to applying for that job at Moores. Why do I stay up so friggin' late? My stomach hurts. What the heck am I listening to? I lead a boring life.
"Let's hear about you."
Fuck. What's there to know. I don't have anything interesting to say. I'm a simple guy with a simple life. Work hard in school. Get a good job. Make money. Live a happy life. I guess there's the "meet someone special" in there part. What an adventure that'll be. :P I have no interesting stories. I'm the picture that gets put next to "Boring" in the dictionary. I'm a loss for words when it comes to entertaining stories of myself. Maybe I don't find them entertaining as stories seeing as I lived through them and don't find them anything unusual. Or not. Bluh, I can retell the past few years consisting of doing homework and sleeping [less due to the friggin' homework. It's ironic now that I don't have homework I stay up all night.] with the occasional playing of video games. Fuck, I spent a lot of my life playing video games. Video games are fun and all but they just seem to have lost their appeal. I could kill countless hours in front of this box infact even brushing off my friends to play games. Then semester two of grade twelve came along and bootstomped me into the friggin' curb. I didn't have time to play video games, but then again I did waste a lot of time on MSN [my new addiction]. Now I've just gotten used to not playing games much. TV has lost it's appeal too, I need more interaction. I guess that's why MSN is so nice. I keep in contact with friends [since I don't normally like using the phone] and at the same time it kills time and is most of the time, fun.
I need something to do. I need someone/people to spend time with. Sure, I already have a small handful of friends I spend time with but I don't know... it just doesn't completely fill that void. lol Yeah, I know what I'd want but I'm just a chicken to say it on here. I'm sure some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Others are thinking, "What the fuck?" It's not like I've grown up in a "touchy-feely" kind of family. In some ways I don't mind it at all, but I'm sure at times it would just be easier if it were.
Two months. That's a long time and yet at the same time too short of a time. I could try filling that void. It would be nice for that time and then two months later it's become nothing. Where would I begin? How will it end? What would happen? Who would be there?
Who knows. I first thought the whole moving out bit would be damn cool. It still is but I just think I'm going to miss where I'm at right now a lot. Sure, what I'm at right now I sometimes think is pure shit but when it comes down to the truth, I have it a whole lot better than most. I'm glad at where I am. I wasn't given some sort of debilitating disease [that I know of], major troubles in school, a giant nose, a personality that people don't enjoy, a shitty family, or even a family that has to struggle with money. Sure I'm a lanky, weak guy but it's better than many of the other options. School isn't hard for the most part and an education is key to success in a life where I don't have the look that makes girls weak in the knees or am able to do amazingly well in a sport. People like me, and I like people. For the most part people enjoy my company, or so I'm led to believe. I haven't had many enemies, or made any by my actions, or so I hope. I'm glad I can get along with people easily. I've got it damned good and occasionally I forget that.
Life, especially your own, can be made to look like shit. Stop. Take a step back and just think. There are people out there in some pretty shitty situations and are still happy with themselves. We all have shitty times and we're all going to think our lives suck every once in awhile. Infact, I wouldn't doubt by tomorrow or even in a few hours I could be thinking just that.
If it's possible to dwell on one thing to make everything else look terrible, is it not possible to focus on one thing and make everything look beautiful? Try it. I sure will. I just have to find that subject first.
I guess this post did turn out pretty emo afterall. I just started typing and it came out like an extra strong dose of Exlax. [I've never had Exlax, I hear it comes in chocolate flavours.]
That was a lot of typing. I'm sure most is rambling, some actual thoughts, some out of pure fatigue. I'll read it sometime, perhaps tomorrow or even a few years from now and think, "What the hell was I talking about." or "Hrm, that makes sense." Maybe even, "What the fuck was I smoking?"
Who knows, there's a piece of my mind most of you wouldn't hear, probably even some I wouldn't tell myself... if that makes sense at all. I'm sure most of you look at this and simply won't read it because of it's length. Whatever. Maybe someone out there will read it and it'll make them think. Either way atleast I had an effect. I don't even know if I intended for this post to have a purpose or meaning. I just did it for the hell of it. Some strange urge.
The sun has risen. Shit. I'm tired, I just don't want to waste precious time. Precious time for what, I do not know. I guess I just would rather experience live conciously than miss most of it while I'm asleep. Then again, sleep can be a whole other reality, a reality that you might not be able to experience. But there can be the disappointment of waking up and realizing that none of it was real.
Sometimes I wonder what the purpose of dreams are. What are the meanings to them? I know there are books and articles on the meaning of dreams, but whoever wrote them aren't you and aren't having your dreams or living your life. How does something affect your dreams? To what extent do you control dreams? To what extent do your dreams control you?
If I don't stop typing - What? You know, I don't think there is a consequence to that. I mean, all that really happens is a handful of people read more ramblings from my mind. Hell, if you've read this much I guess it must be interesting or entertaining. Maybe you think I'm crazy or weird. I like being weird, it's better than being normal. What exactly is normal though... Hrm, maybe I am normal and I just wish I was weird. How about that thinking you're just a bit more special than most? I like to think that. It sounds conceited - but I guess it is. Realization that you're not can be shitty but it puts things into a new perspective. It could change things. Better or worse... Change is nice.
Life is full of change. Sometimes you don't notice. I think this is already along the lines of what I was talking about before. I'll stop there.
This is like mental diarrhea. The shit just doesn't stop. What is that? The third time I said I'd stop typing? These fingers have a mind of their own. I know my brain is saying, "Don't type that. That doesn't make any sense. You shouldn't be saying that. Stop." but the fingers keep tapping. Tap, tap, tap. Like a leaky faucet there are times when what's inside just seeps out, and when it does, it keeps going and going. Sometimes someone comes along and helps you out. Sometimes you just keep leaking.
What the fuck. Okay, I really need to stop. Now I'm just "talking" to myself. Perhaps I shall just post this, let people read it, see if it gets a reaction, read it myself, and then check myself into the looney bin. haha. Whatever, I'm sane and I like it.
Self appreciation... Appreciation of others... That's a whole 'nother subject. Perhaps I will "ooze" about that some other time.
I wonder how many words this is.
STOP.
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WOW...
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