Progression regression
It's been awhile since I've posted. :P Things have just been... different.
I find myself expressing a lot more emotion than I prefer to at times. I just told my mom to fuck off and that I should be able to enjoy my own life every once in awhile... It's terrible, but I just need to be left alone every once in awhile. Other times I've talked with friends and have been in millimeters of tears. Some of the friends whom I would never think I would in front of.
It's been a rollercoaster the past few days. Some, if not most people, wouldn't have noticed by my general appearance. Others are right there beside me. I've been close to just letting it all out once, then backing away, and once again close. Now I'm no longer close, instead I sit back and wait. This time however is a little different, perhaps more than I expected, but nothing to what I've wanted. I suppose right now I'm waiting for some progression, or regression - anything. Although now I know my decision in black and white, I just need the background info. And still I wait.
Everyday that passes by is a day less. I fear that what has happened is just pushing me higher so I can fall farther. Still I do not know. I over-analyze things too much, but in this case, I think it needs to be. How I wish the situation were different...
Almost too much to handle. Everyday chugs by so slowly when I'm alone with my thoughts. Work can help pass the time quicker and at the same time make it pass by even slower. Perhaps soon that could change.
Sometimes I wonder when people read this if they get anything out of it at all. Does it make them wonder? Does it make them think? Can they understand what I'm talking about if they know what's going on or if they don't know what's going on... It's just... I don't know. Without this whole "blogging" I'm sure I would have gone off the wall by now. Sometimes I write as though to hint at things, sometimes just to express myselves, and sometimes just to say something, but not say another. My mind on paper [or in this case electronic] is so different than my mind in action.
I just wish this would progress faster but at the same time slower. Time is running out. I've taken the advice I've been given, nothing shall happen unless it's possible. I fear the worse. I hope for the best.
I dream of tomorrow.
I find myself expressing a lot more emotion than I prefer to at times. I just told my mom to fuck off and that I should be able to enjoy my own life every once in awhile... It's terrible, but I just need to be left alone every once in awhile. Other times I've talked with friends and have been in millimeters of tears. Some of the friends whom I would never think I would in front of.
It's been a rollercoaster the past few days. Some, if not most people, wouldn't have noticed by my general appearance. Others are right there beside me. I've been close to just letting it all out once, then backing away, and once again close. Now I'm no longer close, instead I sit back and wait. This time however is a little different, perhaps more than I expected, but nothing to what I've wanted. I suppose right now I'm waiting for some progression, or regression - anything. Although now I know my decision in black and white, I just need the background info. And still I wait.
Everyday that passes by is a day less. I fear that what has happened is just pushing me higher so I can fall farther. Still I do not know. I over-analyze things too much, but in this case, I think it needs to be. How I wish the situation were different...
Almost too much to handle. Everyday chugs by so slowly when I'm alone with my thoughts. Work can help pass the time quicker and at the same time make it pass by even slower. Perhaps soon that could change.
Sometimes I wonder when people read this if they get anything out of it at all. Does it make them wonder? Does it make them think? Can they understand what I'm talking about if they know what's going on or if they don't know what's going on... It's just... I don't know. Without this whole "blogging" I'm sure I would have gone off the wall by now. Sometimes I write as though to hint at things, sometimes just to express myselves, and sometimes just to say something, but not say another. My mind on paper [or in this case electronic] is so different than my mind in action.
I just wish this would progress faster but at the same time slower. Time is running out. I've taken the advice I've been given, nothing shall happen unless it's possible. I fear the worse. I hope for the best.
I dream of tomorrow.
1 Comments:
Rollercoaster of Emotion Eh?.... You have wierd cravings for odd foods?.... Dude, i think your pregnant
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