WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK!!?!

My marks are shit... even the classes I thought I did well in. Fuck.

Finished!

I'm sure everyone for the most part is glad that first year of University is over with. Well, I can say that I'm happy that I don't have to deal with learning and doing school related stuff but a lot has changed since first term. To tell you the truth I didn't plan on anything other than learning, studying, getting good grades and then coming back home. Let's just say I did practically only one of those. I never planned on getting to know anyone just so I could focus. It's ironic that I end up now in a situation where I have an amazing girlfriend and a big handful of people that I've lived with that care enough about a stranger they met eight months ago to post a "Missing" poster on my door. [That's the next post as I promised a looong time ago to Mike K.] Sure, my marks aren't nearly anything close to what I'd truly be happy with but I ended up with something better than that - someone that cares about who I am. "Oh no." says the readers, "This is some sort of sappy love-blog." Well too bad.

My brother always jokes that I'm such a stylish guy whom all the ladies flock to but really, I'm only one of those. *tugs on collars* I went from feeling like I was living in Hell in first term to having everything I could ask for in second term. Now I've been forced to leave my better half and come back to what I once thought was my life. My life in Calgary. Now, I'm not saying it sucks being home, I mean, it's great being able to hang out with my Calgary friends again. At the moment thought I feel as though I'm in that kind of withdrawl period - although I prefer to call it the "Jessica Withdrawl" [lol This is where the readers with their mind in the gutters laugh. No I don't mean it in that way...] Now that I'm home and Jessica is still in Waterloo/Kitchener, I miss being able to talk and see and hold her anytime. Being back home and being able to settle back in again along with wanting to wait to see when Jessica logs on MSN for the few times she'll have the internet, makes me just want to stay inside. Everytime I go somewhere I worry that I'll miss my chance to talk to her [and I have... three times].

At the same time I want to settle back into my Calgary home, mainly my own room. After living for eight months with a so called "independence" and kind of a clean slate to begin life on, some of the ways you live have changed. Frankly I can't stand my house anymore but to make it more enjoyable I've decided to atleast start with cleaning my own room. Now people are always like, "Well that shouldn't take long." but for those that have seen my room beforehand or know me well [or have cleaned my room before lol] know that I have lots of useless shit. I have things from early elementary school - from Fort McMurray. This is more like TLC's Clean Sweep but with less coolness and no new stuff. Hrm... I was going to save this for later but I guess I can post the before pics here.

On Hiatus

My blog will be down for a little bit - ie. no posting [but really, I've gone days and days before] because I am cleaning my room from top to bottom so I can unpack etc. When that's done I'll post my first "real" post being back home.

S2, you guys are awesome. Jessica, hope you're having fun and have a safe trip home. Hope you're all having a good time.

Post ya all later.

I'm so fucking hot.

No, no. Temperature-wise. It's 26 degrees outside with a humidity of 32%. If I were fat I'd melt.

Hot damn.

On another note, just finished my Math 125 final in half of the alotted time. I'm sure there's a 75+ right there. Hoorah, only two more to go.

Bwargh!

Har har har! I'm in Jessica's room posting.

lol I like to waste time. :P

Bang bang

For those that want to know:

AIR CANADA AC 173 W-CONFIRMED EQUIP: 320
DEPART: TORONTO PEARSON INTL FRI 22APR05 1200
ARRIVE: CALGARY FRI 22APR05 1408
DEPARTS FROM: TERMINAL T1


I have so much studying to do yet I can't bring myself to do it. Fuck. I hate you, exams.

Uh, I got nothing else to say, just figured I should put something up here for those that still check. Site traffic is slowly going downhill. Once I'm back home I'm sure the posts will pick up again... which reminds me. Reminder to self: Blog for Mike K. and Sydney.

P.S. I'm so excited to go shooting it's not even funny.

Thanks Justin for wasting my time.

I could have studied that ten minutes... and then slept ten minutes earlier. You asshole. lol

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High

I think that could be correct. I don't know if my obsessive compulsive disorder is that high though...

Anyway, STUDY HARDER. Fuck I get distracted easily.

I wish...

I wish exams would just be done with. I wish I could just skip them and get good marks in them so I wouldn't have to deal with them.

No matter what, exams get me so stressed out. Sure, it's not as stressful as first term but they always will. I may have much better marks going into exams this time but a bunch of you out there know that I can magically go into an exam with a 93 and pull a 53 on the exam.

I get so frustrated during exam time. Most of my time has to be spent studying when really I'd rather not be. If I don't though, I'll fail, no matter how well I've been doing throughout the year. It's just my luck I have a brain with the capacity but not the competence to remember things. I get frustrated with studying and then I get frustrated with everything else. Little things start to irk me the wrong way until I find myself in a spot I don't want to be in.

I've made some moments feel shitty and I'm sorry. Once these exams are over it'll all be back to normal... for a day an a half. :P

Then it's home for four long months... I'm already missing you.

Valhalla here I come

Quick update.

I'm really busy now that it's exam time. First one in 6 hours.

This term I'm going in with much better marks than before.

Chem 123 - 95.37%
Chem 123L - 91.36%
Math 125 - 90.625%
Biol 139 - 68.81%
Biol 273 - 81.9%
Phys 112 - 80.77% or 87.692% (depending on marking schemes)
Phys 112L - 80.5%

Let's hope I come out with just as good marks. If not better.

A Delicate Balance

[Blogger crashed so there are two versions of this post. I left them both just to see the difference of rewriting them. Interesting.]

Sometimes there are a lot of things in life that you need to choose between. A lot of the choices you make can have a drastic change to the outcome of everything else. Some choices will affect others.

I like to believe that I've made some good choices. So far I feel as though I have even though I may have at times made some bad choices before. Perhaps I can slowly redeem myself. All in all, hopefully I continue to make the right choices.

------

Recently I started thinking to myself about this summer. First of all, this summer is going to be the longest summer. Not just figuratively but literally. It will be the first four month summer I'll have ever had. At the moment I am happy with the way things are and frankly it kind of scares me what might change after those four months. Sometimes I think to myself that change is bad but at the same time know that change can be good. Comparing my second term to the first term, I know things have gotten better. Sure, some have gotten worse, but perhaps due to my own faults, but all in all everything is great. Sometimes I believe in things so much that I expect them to be true. In a ways, I hope that the stronger I believe in something, the better the chance I have of it being what actually happens. If that's true then everything should work out. Everything will stay as good as it is - or get better.

I hope I haven't come this far for nothing.

21 days left in Waterloo. 21 days of a life away from life. 21 days of greatness. 21 days of exams and studying. 21 days until change.

I believe that change is good.

A Delicate Balance

All the time we find ourselves weighing the options in life. Sometimes the choice you make can have a drastic effect on things later on in life.

You never realize how important doing something might mean to others. No matter what you really want to do, sometimes you have to choose the other.

I'm happy with the decisions I've made thus far. Hopefully I've made the right decisions and will continue to in the future.

------

Everyday I hope that the things I believe in will stay true. I hope that because I believe in something so much that hopefully the outcome won't differ from what I believe. This summer is going to be a long summer, not only figuratively but literally. It will be the first four month summer ever and I just know they will be the longest four months. Things in life are great and I hope that nothing changes that. It scares me to think of the changes that might occur but I believe that it won't and thus hopefully will come true. A lot of things have changed since first term. Some might think that a lot will change during the summer. Hopefully they're all good things because I like to believe that change is good.

Good night. And thanks S2 for giving me a chance. [yes, that counts as all of you making the blog.]