Fan-fucking-tastic #2

My flight is now on the 19th of December instead of the 23rd!

In other news, 66.67% on my Chem Midterm #2 :P I expected atleast 70 (which is one mark off) but either way it's still a whole 23.34% better than my last midterm. I just might actually be passing my major now.

Anyway, off to study some more for the midterm today.

$246.09

Obstacle 1

75%+ is my new motto.

If there is any chance in hell that I want to get into Optometry, I need a 75% average minimum or else they don't even bother looking...

Fuck.

Well they can count out first term of first year...
I've heard if you apply after three years they take your best two years... or last two years...? I have no idea... and what about after four years? Fuck.

Fucking hell. 79% was the lowest in [that might be from 1998]...

Everything seems to rest on my finals. So far I've only heard of the finals being "brutal"...

It was built with a strong foundation, the base was quite sturdy, and then they skipped out on the rest.

$249.96

"...and we take what we can get..."

Yesterday I ran out of money on my meal plan. I am now running on my flex dollars for the next month. If I have an excess amount left over it will carry over to the next term.

So begins the countdown...

$257.23

Under a shroud

Here's one of those "emo" posts again where you'll most likely read and think,
a)"Uhh... right." and have no idea what I'm talking about, or
b)Jump to whatever conclusion you think up first that sounds reasonable and think, "Ohh... right."

That's my warning.

So basically it sounds like an awesome idea. I thought about it a lot and I just couldn't wait, but now I'm not too sure. I've had time to think of the many sides of it. I mean, sure there's the technical aspects of it, which is really a pain just to think of yet alone actually carry out, and then there's the mental part. Half is there, half is... well, I don't know. Someone asked me if it was worth it and I thought it was. No hesitation. But then we tried to figure out how this would actually work out and in the end it's so much for what? I need an actual plan, or atleast a different one seeing as this doesn't seem to be working out.

If only things were different it would be so much easier... isn't that always the case. Something comes along and life drops a wall infront of you.

It would be so great, or so I think. Perhaps I'll just wait, focus on something else, and cling to the hope that keeps me going.

And his eyes will continue to see when the lights appear to dim...

Inflated gene pool

When graffiti consists of chemical/physical/mathematical formulas or saying "Math sucks!", "Mech Eng > Chem Eng"... you're at the University of Waterloo.

I get your messages all the time and I purposely ignore them most of the time, not because I don't want to talk, but because I've got so much work that I can't bare staying up an extra minute longer every night. I'm horribly sleep deprived, I'm physically and mentally exhausted, I'm sick and tired of this place and I'm doing terrible in school. All I'm looking forward to is passing all my courses and going home...
- A Day In The Life Of Jeffrey Macarone

Happy Birthday!... in six months.

Haha. So today was my "Half Birthday" where I suppose it is six months until my 19th birthday. As many of you know, or may not know, to be "legal" in Ontario, you must be the humble age of 19 years. In Alberta, it is 18 [booyakasha!]. I had this dream of becoming legal twice but as I learned, the year is over April 22nd and I don't have any intentions of sticking around for another month just to celebrate my turning of age in a different province.

Anyway, to the point, a bunch of my friends in the house created a "half" card and gave me some half gifts [half a bag of M&Ms, half a Coke and Nestea, half a Mars bar, half a happy birthday plate. :D]. It was sweet [no pun intended.] It was a nice gesture. I liked.

Back to this freakin' work. :P

Confrontation's in my mind...

Well shit. I never realized how close finals are until now.

Matt just walked in and we were talking about how much we have to catch up in, and then we came to the realization that finals are in less than three weeks.

Have you ever seen the rain...
- CCR

haha, sorry, that song is playing right now.

I've got plans, I've got wants, I've got choices...
I want to... but finals... They're so close then...
Blaaah. But perhaps I need it, or so some people tell me. I need time away. I need to reconnect. I just need to get out.

I need to pass.

Argh. :|

My webcam is broken. ;( I don't know how, someone must have dropped it or something. I tried using it and it would detect it and say it was working fine but the picture wouldn't come up. I looked at it and it was kind of split open and I could hear something rattling inside.

So... I guess there's no more webcam for me. ;( I'm really disappointed mostly because it meant I could "see" people and they could see me more than just every few months...

No long distance, no cell long distance, no webcam... looks like it's Air Canada for me.

Although there is www.skype.com, but you need a microphone. It's still not the same as a picture...

A picture is worth a thousand words.
- Unknown Proverb

When the truth is, I miss you...
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so...
Warning Sign - Coldplay

I feel numb all over.

Salvation

Ah... the week is finally over.

This past week was pretty much a lock-yourself-in-your-room weekend because of the two midterms and all the assignments and labs due, etc. Compared to how I handled work during the previous weeks of my first year in university, I did it pretty well. I'm looking forward to shifting my work and study habits back to the way they were in grade 12 [well, more like the beginning of the second semester grade 12... :|]. I figure I might as well pretend or trick myself into enjoying my studies [although Psychology is quite interesting and the reading material is engaging].

Truth is, my marks are terrible. No, not the "terrible-but-still-above-75%", the terrible as in "holy-fucking-shit-I'm-failing" terrible. I'm only literally failing one class [as in under 50%, although that should change dramatically after today's midterm... hopefully.] but I'm technically failing three [once again, possibly only two after today's midterm] which is based on my needed averages to stay within my program, Pre-Optometry/Pre-Health, or as they like to call now, "Biomedical Sciences". I need a 60% cumulative average and 65% in all my sciences. Sounds bloody easy... and it should be. I am of course basing all my marks on my midterms seeing as they are, at the moment, worth the most marks.

It's so hard to bring a mark up when you start off so low...
I really have to work my ass off [not that I'm not now...] and do well on the finals.

If I get 60%+ in all my electives and 65%+ in all my sciences, I'll have dodged a bullet. The Winter term is going to be a brand new slate where this time I know what to expect... and this time I'll get more sleep. [Christmas break is going to be full of sleep... I've forgotten what it's like to have more than 5 hours of sleep on a weekday.]

Anyway... It's nice to see the comments coming in, I really appreciate it, no matter how little I seem to show it. Thanks. Support from a few little words is support none the less.

In response to some comments,

- The cookie was in a bag and I was going to only take a piece but instead they pulled the bag away and I was left with a ginormous cookie no one wanted. It was big.

- shhhhHHH *pop!* *waaaaahhh* I may not do awesome, but I'm sure as hell going to try...

- I don't hate math, I hate Calculus... wait no, I hate Calculus at the University of Waterloo. That's right. Mrs. Couture's class was so much better... I miss high school.

- Stay away from my ass, John.

- haha. You're doing model poses in the tent, Sarah.

Give it up for the cookie

Matooshkapoofchuk tricked me in to eating a cookie.

It was big.

So fucking useless...

Just hit me with a fucking bus already.

Fuck you, Waterloo

Everything's so fucking hard. Then again, what do you expect from one of the top universities in Canada...

I expected to do decent, sure not as well as I did in highschool, but not actually this bad. I'm trying so fucking hard and I just get fucking cranked on the exams. Why?

FUCK.

I just got back my second Calculus midterm... I thought I would have at least gotten 60%... I would have been happy with that. [It's amazing the day has come where I say I would be happy just to have passed... no more "Anything under 90% is a fail in my books!"]

I have a feeling I'm going to be here for eight years instead of six...

...into a burning ring of fire...

And so we enter the week of hell.

Second week of the second round of midterms. [If you include the second of three Calculus midterms] and the beginning of the ending of many labs. Essays, assignments, midterms, deadlines. They're all piling up.

Residence has definitley quieted down. Most, if not all of the students have come to realize that it's really time to get cracking. I myself am going to lock myself either in my room or somewhere on campus until Christmas time.

Here's a little peek at my final exam schedule.

December 9: Chem 120
December 10: Phys 111L
December 11: Psych 101
December 13: Biol 130
December 14: Biol 130L
December 15: Phys 111
December 16: Chem 120L
December 17: Math 127

Yes, that's right, I get December 12th off.

On a tangent, the University of Waterloo is obviously famous for it's mathematics. People that take math here are smart. Not just "smart", but more like, "I can proove that a^n+b^n=c^n where n=R [No, not just Pythagorus(sp), but all real numbers. It's some 300 page proof that some old dude did. Thanks to Dan, the house math genius in the Dungeon. (The basement.)]

Anyway, I'm taking a basic Calculus course... the key word is basic. My professor, turns out, is the head of the Calculus whatchamacall-it. So basically, it took a class I once enjoyed and did pretty swell in, into a class I hate with a fiery passion. I thankfully only have to take this course once [that is if I pass]. Somehow they have turned all the same things that we learned in High School into the hardest, most abstract, rip-your-fucking-eyes-out, kind of math.

That's my rant for now. I have to sleep or else the lack of sleep will domino as the week goes on. It happened lasat week and I ended up sleeping 15.5 hours on Friday night.

Later.

Bitesize Memories

Was trying to sleep for the longest time so as Woo would normally do... blog it is.
Float over for alt-text descriptions.

Addicts of Communication

So I was checking to see how many hits this blog still gets to see if anyone really looks at this, so far it's a slow, but steady decline. I'm sure many factors come into play such as people don't care anymore, people are too busy, people forgot, I don't post as much anymore, etc. [That last one's obviously my fault.]

Anyway, the program that checks how many people visit sometimes tells me the different cities people have dropped by from. It made me think about all the people that moved from Calgary to other places. When I thought about it, I know people in, Calgary [obviously], Fredericton, Victoria, Truro [Nova Scotia], Edmonton, Kingston, San Diego, Guelph, Norway... yeah that's all that comes to mind. I'm going somewhere with this...

First semester of university is almost over and most people will be heading back to Calgary. Without High School to bring us all together, I wonder how many people will actually hang out or talk with each other. Sometimes I think about all the people I knew that I used to talk with in school, on MSN, however often or rarely and no matter how good I was a friend to them, or them to I. I look at my MSN list and I notice a lot of people that I haven't talked to since I left Calgary, and a lot more that I haven't talked to since the last day of exams. Some, probably all, were an influence on my life - some more than others.

I know that since school started, I've neglected talking to a lot, if not most [or all] of the people on my MSN list. Perhaps I haven't due to lack of time because of school or activities in rez - I'd like to think it was only that...

It's easy to say hello, perhaps chat for a little while, and even if there isn't enough time, just make it quick. A few people have done so that I wasn't there to catch but I just haven't ever replied. Perhaps it's the thought that I really don't know what to say. No matter who I'm talking to I can't seem to form words. They can be someone I barely know to someone I would normally spill my heart to, it just doesn't happen.

I know there are a few that still regulary check this site out, and hopefully some of the people I once knew have or will sometime so here's a hello to Fredericton, Victoria, Truro, Edmonton, Kingston, San Diego, Guelph, Norway, and of course, Calgary.

I don't want to go home with less to say than when I left.

Two quotes this time to ponder upon.

The friendship that can cease has never been real.
- Saint Jerome (374 AD - 419 AD), Letter

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.
- George Washington (1732 - 1799)

zZz

Slept through my first class finally, Psychology 101, an hour and a half. Although I did sleep through the first hour another time. It was bound to happen sooner or later. ;)

Anyway, new poll [finally].

Off to a mandatory Biology Tutorial :P.

Later.

"Whenever I'm asked who makes my dreams real..."

I stay up waiting for something to happen but in the end it doesn't. It makes me wonder what's really going on. It makes me wonder what might have changed. It makes me wonder what the point is.

I'm still looking forward, but at times I doubt if there's something left to look forward to. I cling to the hope that there is.

In the end I only dream of the best, and the best is what keeps me dreaming.

The New Cool

Napping. Oh yes, napping.

A Wonderful Surprise

My phone never rings. I think it's rung under ten times in total so when it does ring I'm just like, "What the freak?" [hehehe ;)]

*ring ring!*

Sarah phoned me! :D Such a surprise. I was just [finally] sitting down to do some work and seeing as my internet wasn't working I didn't expect any distractions [although people seem to knock on my door whenever I'm working]. I finally got to talk to Sarah, Megan, and Nicole voice to voice seeing as I'm rarely in my room to catch a phone call [I missed the call on the Friday before Halloween!] I'm sorry I forgot the baby pop noise, Megan! I thought about it while I was on the phone but I totally forgot!

Anyway, skip to a little later and voila, the good ol' webcam. Not only did I get to talk to Sarah but we got to "see" each other. :) I knew this would come in handy sometime and it was definitely worth it.

What a crazy day! I get an email from my mom telling me I received the full Alexander Rutherford Scholarship [$2500!!], I get a phone call from Sarah and Megan and I even got to see them [U of Waterloo > U of Calgary ;)], and it turns out Sarah's coming to Toronto! I am definitely going to have to get there somehow. A road trip sounds in order.

Anyway, here are some pics, possibly in random order: Enjoy. [Sorry! They're freakin' huge looking! Too lazy to edit the size. I want Photoshop...]


The Volleyball Team. Oh yeah, hot stuff.

Vomit on top of maggots? Oh, nevermind. Caf food. [It's actually not too bad.]

Toga Party! Last frosh week event [that I snuck into ;)]

The girls of the house [Only one floor.] I'll find the pics of the guys/everyone somewhere from someone sometime.

Welcome to South 2, the mostest awesomest house of Village 1. [Damn you East, that trophy was OURS.]

Retarded smirk.

I'm trying my best to post more often, I got scolded by Sarah. [eep!] :)

Long days and drawn out nights...

There aren't enough hours in a day. There aren't enough days in a term. There just isn't enough of anything.

Fuck. Who knew this could be so hard? Everything just collides with one another to cause such wonderous destruction of something that was once at ease with the world.

I'm beginning to cope. I'm beginning to decide. I'm beginning to think it's too late.

I'm afraid.

I still lean towards the fact that somehow I'll make it, that somehow I'll be given that second chance. Afterall, it's happened all my life. Perhaps that was the end of my pure luck. Was it really in me to begin with or did I just happen to have luck on my side?

I bought a Bible today, mainly because it was cleverly designed and only cost me a quarter (through the honour system I may add... but then again, who steals a Bible?). I've always been a man of science, I like to be able to explain things through logic, experience, facts, etc. Sometimes there are things that just can't be explained, sometimes there's something else that gets you through it, sometimes you just have to believe in something else.

Life is never what you think it will be. I can vouch for that...

Physically exhausted. Mentally wrecked. We live, we love, we laugh, we learn.

I've learned so much in such little time - and yet I'm only at the base of the mountain.

Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902)