Readizzle Weekizzle

Jimmy Eat World - Futures

I guess it has been awhile since I've updated this. I guess I just don't have much to say at the moment. As some of you reoccurring visitors may have noticed, I only seem to post things when I'm in super-emo mode. I guess I'm not in super-emo mode at the moment.

I'm on reading week right now, coming up near the end of the beginning. What? You don't understand you say? Well... [You made it in here again. ;)] My very good friend Jessica decided to GO HOME for reading week... home being small town Manitoba where you can have soooo much fun [I hope you're happy. :P lol] and now that what was left of campus [Engineers and Math] has gone home including Mat on my floor, I'm all alone. Richard, my neighbour, is still here, but he's got studying to do. Good luck on that. Anyway, Jessica gets to come back in the dead of Reading Week where not only the Arts, Science, and Applied Health Science have gone home but now the Engineers and Math students too. As Fraser said, "I could run around naked and shit on the toilet seats and no one would know."

This is weekend is going to be the most exciting part of my Reading Week. Hope you all are having a good one or will have a good one if not on it.

[Enough names for you this time? ;)]

Don Woo

Dear Eric,


Thank you for your recent application and expressed interest in a Don position for the upcoming Fall 2005 and/or Winter 2006 term(s) at the University of Waterloo. I regret to advise you that you have not been selected for a personal interview. If you have an opportunity to re-apply in the future, please do not hesitate in doing so.

Thanks again for your keen interest.

Son of a bitch. lol Oh well. I guess that solves what I'm doing next year. I'm disappointed I didn't get to be a Don but the I guess the chances were slim seeing as a record number of people had applied this term along with being a first year student. Oh well, and I even got praise from other Dons which just made this even more disappointing.

Now to look forward to living in a house instead of a cell.

For lack of an update

Weezer - Island In The Sun

Ah, things are great. :) Good times and time well spent.

I just wish I weren't stuck in Waterloo for Reading Week. :P

Sit-around-and-do-nothing Week

Yes, that's right. Reading Week is here! Well, I still have classes tomor- er, today I guess but since Thursday was the "hell day" with all the tests, it's pretty much reading week.

The tests started off okay and then it all went downhill from there... [they also went uphill in how much they were worth :P] We'll just have to see how well I did on those... it could be a little sketchy.

After my Physics midterm and some TV watching with Jessica we had our mandatory floor meeting for the incident that occurred last night. Basically, combine "shit", "not being flushed" and "not in toilet" and you've got what happened. A certain someone on our floor must not understand the concept of sitting while you shit and flushing. Oh lord. That was just friggin' rank. It's still there... it's been almost 24 hours.

Anyway, after that went and watched Goldmember at Jess's, that movie's friggin' hilarious... first time I had seen it, and then of course good ol' TV. I don't know what I'm going to do once she flies back home to Manitoba. [I get to stay here and either die of boredom or starvation... starting to run low on mealplan already.]

Well, it's late, I still have classes and I'm tired.

Happy Birthday, Sarah!

Have a happy 19th, Sarah! Hopefully you get to party it up in Alabama... don't party too hard. ;)

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Ten hours to go and this day will be over and Reading Week practically begins! After my Bio quiz, Algebra "one-fifth-term", and Physics Midterm are done by 9PM everythign will be awesome.

That is if I do well...

Valoontine's Day [Valentine's Day in Waterloo]

Dashboard Confessional - For You To Notice

Hrm... starting to feel guilty with the lack of "hitting the books". I wish I just retained everything the first time around but that's not the case anymore...

I should really start back up again... but it's so hard when you're having fun.
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That previous post was pretty interesting if I may say so myself...

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day to all you singles out there [me too]. I hope you can all enjoy the happiness of other couples. lol Perhaps I'll wear some red...

P.S. Did you find your V-Day date, Jeff?

How eight words can really make you think...

Muse - Hysteria

[Edit: new poll on the right.]

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've looked at other people's blogs. [a long time being two to three days] For some reason I just felt like writing a heartfelt entry. I've realized reading all these different blogs with all their different styles that what you put into these entries are what really makes a blog interesting or not.

No shit. Yeah, that sounds completely retarded but I can't seem to explain myself at the moment. It's like... hrm. A blog can consist of anything nowadays it seems. A few entries on what you did today can be all good, throw in some "I hate this and that" and for extra measure some good ol' emo posts. Blogs need a good variety.

Anyway, after reading all these blogs I have the urge to write something phenomenal. I have that feeling in my chest wanting to burst with lines upon lines of emotion and thought but nothing comes out. There are so many things that want to be expressed but just don't seem to form in my brain.

My emotional stability has been thrown into loops. I have realized things that I never would have thought of on my own. I have experienced things I've never expected to experience at this time. I have thought things that toss me randomly through this maze of life. In one moment I'm on top of the world, an instant later and by myself in the core of the Earth engulfed in my mind. What is it that I want life to be? What is it that I believe life is? What is it that life has in store for me?

Sometimes I think that I live in life I've built on illusions. I think to myself that I live a storybook life full of colourful and extravagant pieces of art. The words on each line jump off the page with an energy unsurpassed by the energy of life itself. This story is written with a self-made guarantee that everything will turn out perfectly in the end. That everything that happens is happening to the benefit of the main character. At the same time, the main character has an antagonist - himself. Although the story is written in his mind that no matter what happens everything will be alright, he still manages to think different. The antagonist is believed to embrace the sight of truth. That what is happening may just not be for the benefit of one's self. That what may happen in the end will not be all okay. This, all based on the fact that reality is stronger than fantasy. Nothing seems wrong with this. Fantasy is fantasy. Reality is now.

I believe so strongly in something and at the same time deny that I do. I do not show what I believe for I am afraid. If I show myself to the world, the world I exist in will no longer be what I believe it is. I fear the disappointment that the world may, and most likely will entrust me for not giving me what I wholeheartedly believed the world would present. I fear that something so beautiful and perfect can not and will not occur. Because so I dare not tread on certain waters so calm. I look into it like a mirror. I see only what I want to see and not what's behind it.

I wish for the best. I shoot high and fall far. I've forgotten how to aim. I fear that if I try I will ruin it all. Could it be because of my past experience or my vivid imagination engulfs me in fear. I don't want what I want to not come true.

I let life take it's course. I dream and imagine of better things, better situations, a better life. In my dreams I live the world that I love.

Someday those dreams will come true, and someday I'll be able to truly say that I couldn't ask for more. I will stand with confidence in myself knowing that I have everything I need, everything I want, and everything I love.

As of now, they're just pages in a storybook...

Quick Resolution

Once again... third time today, eh?

Well, I guess that was pretty quick.

Thanks Jo, you always put things into another perspective just when I need it.

Love ya.

Irrational Rationalization

This must be a new speed record for my consecutive posts.

Okay, so I haven't been doing nothing the past few days. I've probably done more in these few days than I have at any other time combined. It just hasn't been school related. At the moment it's all definitely been worth it. I'm having fun, getting out, doing something other than being cooped up in my room with nothing else to do.

In a seeminglyoff-topic topic, I have two pieces of paper in front of me. I've held them for quite awhile, they're both frailed and faded. I've held them dear to my heart and now I find myself not knowing what to do with them. I've pondered what to do with them once before but made a decision that ended up only leaving me with the grief I face now.

This is retarded. It's two small pieces of paper. In some ways they hold memories, in some ways they hold pain. To discard them to me is like an acceptance of forgetting. Whether it be the few minutes after this post or in the following days, weeks, perhaps months, they will end up at the bottom of a wastebasket.

Where am I going? Where am I now? Why am I here and what got me here?

I could be entering another vicious cycle. I could be entering into something I've fabricated in my mind. Could it be possible that I've created a facade in my mind as something that I truly believed was possible? Could it be possible?

I find myself at the end of a hallway at the very last door. Every door before that I had skipped by. I've focused on this one door at the end of the hall, the whole time imagining what could be behind it. The endless thoughts, ideas, and images that I have spewn from my mind are what I believe are behind that door.

Do I turn the knob and continue, or turn around and continue through one of the endless arbitrary doors?


[quite the mood shift from the previous recent posts, eh?]

Who am I kidding...?

I've made a lot of short posts lately. None being quite interesting I assume. Don't expect much from this one either.

Something just hit me. I don't know what but I just feel kinda shitty all of a sudden. I don't know what it is, why it's happening, or what could it be from. All I know is probably about every year it happens.

I don't think there's a regular pattern to it. I don't know if there's a certain correlation with anything but it always seems to happen the same. I reach my highs and hit my lows.

How long it lasts for I don't know. Judging by previous experience it could be hours, days, weeks, months.

My room is starting to get all messy. I've all of a sudden become apathetic in everything I do. I'm starting to find ways of stretching the days as long as possible, perhaps to the detriment to myself and others. I find myself killing endless hours of endless days doing nothing.

So much for making better use of this term.

Oh well. Someone I didn't know was talking to a group of us and pretty much said that I wasn't going to get into Optometry without a degree [full four years]. That pissed me off. All the more reason to get in without getting my BSc. So many negative thinkers out there... too bad I was one of them and at times still am.

That's all for this instance. Something productive sounds in order but at the moment I just can't bring myself to do anything.

Thank God for Brand New. It's always there when I need it.

AHhhHHhhhH!

MSN is down!

It feels like someone pulled the plug on me.

A thousand words.

I wish I had a camera to catch all the beautiful moments.

Better

It's interesting reading previous posts, atleast for me it is. I never thought this website would be anything other than "I did the following today...". Mostly it was created out of boredom and then a means of communication without any actual communicating.

Anyway, I guess it keeps track of "the way things were". As much as I think things don't change in my life, reading previous posts proves that wrong. So much has changed since any moment imprinted onto my blog.

It's interesting because I can compare exactly what was going through my mind and the priorities that I had set with everything in my mind now. Sometimes I surprise myself how different things have become, but then again I reason it with the things that have led up to now.

All in all, things are really good. I'm doing much better in school [so far] and as we all know, that's a major part of my mood. Other than that, everything else just seems better. I physically and mentally feel better, my classes are better, everything is just better.

On that happy note, I'm going to sleep.

"...destiny is calling me..."

Hrm, so things are doing swell. This term is going far better than last term. I don't know if it's due to getting more sleep, playing less pool, doing a little more studying, or if this term is just plain easier.

Whatever it is, I'm not complaining.

Yesterday I went to the Pre-Optometry Info Session held in the Optometry building and frankly I'm just so excited. It started with a basic info session with a question and answer period which was pretty informative. Afterwards there was a tour around part of the building and... damn. It got me so excited to be in Optometry. It also gave me a whole lot of hope of actually getting in [heh].

Things are looking good. Once again, I kinda lost track of what I was writing about. :P

Four

Four years from now you may still be wondering what you'll be doing four years from then.