Closing time...

Well, I feel I've already rung in the New Year. lol

Yesterday I headed out to dinner with my dad and my brothers to the Regency Palace downtown where we had some good eats. I made use of the last time for awhile that I can have lobster... mmm mmm.

So along with a sweet dinner I got dropped off at The Roadhouse where I met Vanessa and Jordan [minus a sickly Sarah lol], and shortly thereafter, Megan, Nicole, Shannon, and Hannah. Like always [well, everytime I go to clubs] it was Ladies night so Jordan and I headed to the bar while the girls enjoyed their "entertainment" lol. Anyway, fast forward. A riot of a night on the dancefloor [lol Vanessa] [and on the platform haha] where we also bumped into Brittany B. Ah, fun times at the clubs.

Well, tonight should be a good relaxing New Years. I'm sure there are some people that are done for the year lol. So anyway, hope everyone had an awesome year full of interesting happenings, I know I did. A thumbs up to 2004.

Happy New Year to all my friends; in the West and the East, homies. lol jk, I mean in Calgary and Waterloo.

I surprise myself.

I really do.

Take the previous entry for an example, I didn't expect myself to say all that at all... :P I read it and sometimes it seems like I don't know how to say anything.

Anyway, my grad belt was one surprise. $283.55 It was my birthday and I needed a nice belt for grad. I wasn't going to wear my Volcom belt with my suit. :P That's so tacky. That belt comes with good memories too though.

Today was a surprise, I spent a total of $299.60 in the span of about nine hours. [That's about $33.29 an hour or a good week at my old job.] No, it's not my birthday today. I guess my urge of wanting nicer clothes and I guess not being in the best of moods but also having fun with friends is the reason why I would go and buy so much stuff. Besides, how many times can you find nice clothes at 50% off?

My wardrobe has been upgraded with the following items:

1 dark blue dress shirt with white pinstripes. Includes matching tie.
1 light blue dress shirt with white pinstripes. Includes matching tie.
1 black long sleeve fitted T-shirt.
1 white long sleeve fitted T-shirt.
4 varied pinstriped black dress pants.
1 belt.

Sub-Total: $263.00

I bought the following items of food:

2 Hard Shell Tacos with sour cream
Sushi [split amongst six]

Sub-Total: $17.98
Mid-Total: $280.98
Tax 7.00%: $18.62
TOTAL: $299.60

I wanted a red dress shirt with black pinstripes from Le Chateau but there wasn't any sale on it... $55.90. Well, I guess there was a lot of other things I wanted but didn't get.

Anyway, I'm friggin' tired and now I also have to deal with being double-booked on Thursday night... Frig'.

Ugh... why?

Breathe in... breathe out.

Welp, the holidays have definitely sloooowed down.

I guess Christmas puts a damper on things. I guess so does New Years.
I guess for most that sounds odd, but Christmas around here [my house] is just so... unspirited. I mean, sure, it's a religious/commercial holiday but there's really no difference to most other days of the year. I guess that's why I appreciated being invited to Vanessa's for Christmas Eve, it being the first time in decades [yes I haven't even finished living through two. Get the point.] that I can think of any evident "spirit"... I think I've mentioned this all before. Moving on.

So yeah, New Years. No, it's not really a fresh start, nor can you put all the past behind you. You still carry everything from the previous year into the New Year, but instead you might bring it in with a drink, a dance, a song, a kiss. Some might not.

But that's not the point. So I have choices of what to do on New Years - I should be lucky, there are people out there that don't. The thing is I hate having to choose between them. If I choose one, I have to turn the rest down. My biggest fear is to make someone think less of me because of my actions... perhaps that's also an egocentric problem. My mind is already made up of what I want to do... but I know I'm going to hurt/offend people in my choice.

I'm sorry but it's what I have to do.

Oh right. Sorry, this post is goingn to be a little jumbled, yeah I could just edit it but that's not the way my brain is flowing, nor is it going to be shown in a nicely laid out way. I remember someone that told me how their family celebrated Christmas and it really had an affect on me. I thought, "What a nice family." It was not only about Christmas, but the way their family was in general. There were some completely unselfish things that made me feel good just knowing there are people out there that care in such a way. I must be missing it all.

I feel so bad. People buy me things when really it doesn't matter if they get me anything or not. I mean sure, we all like getting stuff, but I don't give. Yeah, I seem like a selfish bastard now, don't I? I can't remember the last time I've ever bought an individual something for Christmas, not even my best friends... not even Sarah this year. Yeah yeah, we all know how I feel for her and yes I normally wouldn't be so upfront about this, or anything for that matter on here but I guess I'm just in that mood. Whether I like it or not, I know things are different and I'm going to have to live through it. I know you'll probably read this and I guess I already know how you feel from what Jeff told me and it shouldn't be a surprise. I cling on to the hope of the best things far to tightly. I know what I'm about to say may be a little strong but I just don't have the guts to actually say it. Getting to know you is probably the best thing that had ever happened to me. For a period in time I felt on top of the world, I couldn't have asked for more. I know that in our situation it most likely wouldn't have worked [there's a hint of my clinging on to hope still with my select choice of words] and that even now I still never really knew how you felt but in the end I'm glad I've met you and that we're friends. It sucks that we never got to know each other closer but if friends is where it's going to be than friends it is... it's inevitable and it's fine by me. Thanks for being part of my life, I'm sure I've learned a lot and I hope you enjoyed your time as much and I hope this doesn't make anything weird. It's just been killing me inside whenever I'm with you now knowing that "us" is most likely a thing of the past and that I should be moving on that I can't be myself. "I feel so lost. I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know how to act, I don't know where to look. I don't understand what I see anymore and still my mind doesn't want to give up. I am lost. I am amiss." I can't stand that. If it's time to just be friends then we should be just that but for now it's my problem that I need time to work out in my mind and that my distance is not because I can't be close to you.

ugh, I sound like a rambling emo-idiot. I'm sorry I put this all up for all to see but I've got nothing. I just... I just want you to know that I'm absolutley fine with being friends, afterall I'm sure that's all you want, and that if I seem distant, it's not because I don't want to be friends, it's because I just need some time...

Thanks... and goodnight.

Ah, good ol' OC.

Once again, woke up at 4:00 on the dot again. Played some video games and then headed over to Jamie's place with Jocelyn and watched the first disc of The O.C. I finally got to watch the first three episodes I missed when I first started watching the show [although the rest of my family thought I was strange... and also it seemed I was the only guy that watched the show at the time lol]. We stopped after episode four which I had seen the first time around but are still awesome to watch again. Even so, I've only seen four to eight? [The one in Tijuana] so there's a good amount of episodes to see still. Perhaps I shall buy the season at the DVD sales on Campus seeing as they're really cheap there, or I could use my gift card... stupid snow. I don't feel like driving in this weather, I don't trust my abilities driving the lead sled in this weather. Perhaps when the roads are cleared up, but even so, unlike in Ontario, we have plug-in's in our parking lots for a reason.

Later.

Merry Christmas

Ah, what an enjoyable Christmas Eve [yeah yeah, I'm posting this on Christmas Day - edit, now Boxing Day].

So anyway, we LANned for a few days at Justin's place starting on the 22nd around 1ish. At around nine Justin and I got picked up by Sarah's mom [with Sarah obviously] and dropped off at Earls by Dalhousie Station where Justin, Megan, Vanessa's friend Val, and I got to join in on Sarah and Vanessa's Wing Night Wednesday. From there we jogged through the cold to the C-Train [Justin and I didn't bring jackets because we're smart... although we did save on the coat check lol] and headed to Cowboys. The last time I was there only half of it was open and it was during the day on a Club Crawl, this time however was much nicer, also because it was more like a club than a bar the previous time. I had been craving to go to a club for awhile. On the train we met up with Steph, Shannon, and Danielle. Anyway, upon arrival we ran into a similar collection of people from high school once again that we ran into at Schanks although with others like Michelle, Danielle, Delaine, and Heather C [who's back from California!]. So we danced the night away and then we, minus Sarah, Vanessa, and Val, headed to Justin's for Won Ton's and Pizza. lol Steph ended up passing out on the couch and the rest headed home and my brother Ian got a taxi ride from a party he was at to Justin's.

I think the 23rd was pretty much just playing video games at Justin's and eating chicken wings at my house with Justin and Kevin F [no longer Jesus because he cut his hair!].

I woke up on Christmas Eve at two in the afternoon and headed to Chinook Mall with Justin to meet Steph. We dropped by the food court and then helped Steph out with some last minute shopping. I picked up some chocolate for Vanessa's family at the same time.

I was invited to spend Christmas Eve at Vanessa's place, seeing as my family doesn't really have any Christmas spirit [anymore...], which was quite enjoyable. At first I thought it would be kind of odd spending time with someone else's family for a holiday event [kind of like the invitations I got for Thanksgiving weekend, but this time I've known the person longer than a few weeks] but I immediately felt comfortable seeing as it wasn't like it was the first time meeting Vanessa's family. Even so with Vanessa's other relatives it was easy to feel comfortable... especially because I could finally witness some of the quirks of the McConnell family that I've heard all about. Oh, and not to mention Vanessa's niece, Sydney, is the cutest most entertaining toddler around. :D

It was quite interesting to see all the traditions that the McConnell's had [the kitchenware], hear all the stories, and just experience the way the whole family celebrated Christmas Eve. I must say I don't think I've ever spent any time with my family where everyone feels so harmoniously together - ironicly though that that was the first time in about a decade that they have been all together. Vanessa had always told me that there's always some ruckus that occurs when their whole family gets together but it seemed at most oblivious to me. My family seems to be the total opposite. Vanessa's home is nicely decorated and everyone is so social. My house is the same dark, messy home it is every other day of the year and everyone is in their own seperate places doing whatever they're doing like every other day. Shrug, I don't know why, it's not like we don't like each other. Perhaps it's just the way we were brought up. It's not like that's a terrible thing, I mean, I'm sure other people would wish they could get there time away from their family, but sometimes those social gatherings are nice. Then again, a social gathering all depends on how sociable the people are.. :P

Anyway, the food was delicious, a definite change from the cafeteria food and fast food that I had been having, the family was so nice, and the evening was quite enjoyable. I must say that that was probably my most enjoyable Christmas Eve... also probably because I don't think I've ever celebrated a Christmas Eve [or a Christmas for that matter in the last ten years - minus going to our Aunt's place for dinner each year]. A big thanks to Vanessa and the rest of her family for making Christmas Eve a merry one.

Seeing as both my computers were left at Justin's place [and we all know I can't live without my MSN] I called him up. Turns out he was with Terence, John [dai lo], Mike, Sandra, and Alex [back from Kingston!] so I met them all at Justin's place. We all did a lot of reminiscing/bitching about our post-secondary educations and on high school, watched an episode of Band of Brothers, and ate food. It was awesome to hang out with "all the Asians" again.

Christmas day I slept in to about four in the evening [:P] and my family and I [minus my mom who is in Toronto] headed to my dad's sister's place for our annual Christmas dinner. Our cousin's Natalie and Craig never cease to faulter in the amount of energy they have. By around ten-ish I was already crashed on the couch.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I started typing this up almost two days ago and that's what I could come up with. I'm going to sleep, so perhaps I'll think of something else and write up on that tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas. :)

Serenity

What I'm Trying To Say - Stars

I find myself sitting on the couch in the family room listening to my brothers music on the stereo and it feels so... serene.

For this moment in time, nothing seems to push me into a depressed or joyous state. Everything is calm. Everything is out of my reach. For this time in my life I'm not thinking that I have control over anything but instead anything and everything that has happened has happened for a reason. What comes next I await for patiently on this couch as I listen to the highs and lows of the music that flows through me.
I shall enjoy this short point in life.

Substandard

[this could be a long read... scratch could, will be.]

Wow.

I didn't expect much coming home to tell the truth. Infact, I wasn't sure what to expect. For the most part of the first term I didn't really have the urge to go home but after awhile I had the biggest urge to see a familiar face. So that's what I ran off of.

Then some things were laid on the table that put things into perspective that I really didn't need to hear at the point in time but at the same time probably the best time... Besides, part of me always wanted to know and the other wanted to preserve what was left.

But anyway, things seemed a little sketchy [;)] from then on and I wasn't sure what to think anymore. So I got on a plane, headed home, and here I am now.

So I landed, got picked up by my dad, drove home and Jeff and Justin were waiting on the driveway. That was cool and unexpected. So we talked a bit before my dad kicked us out to wherever we had plans. Justin worked and Jeff and I bussed it to Market to see Sarah. [insert pause for reflection] Turned out she had to go to her grandmother's birthday party so Jeff and I wandered the mall and ate some Famous Wok.

Around 7ish Jeff, Nicole, Sarah and I headed to Schanks for some legal drinks where Caitlin and Jocelyn joined us along with Justin after he got off work. Broken down golfcarts go best after chartreuse. Fast forward a bit. Sarah and Nicole left; Sarah having exams still, and then Jeff, Justin and I went to Timmy's for the usual "late night Timmy run". Although this time it was pretty early.

Sleep, yep. My bed has been altered. I don't get to experience my own bed anymore. I gotta say, my house is a dump. I never noticed how much crap our family has collected. I swear it has gotten worse, or I was just used to it. Frankly I'm embarassed by the state of my home and don't want friends to see it. Sometimes I wonder what they must have thought before when I never noticed how "dumpy" it was. My room is aout the same size as my dorm room, perhaps with altered dimensions yet still my room seems so small. I have so much crap and much more furniture in my room. It feels so cluttered. Perhaps I'll go through my things and end up just chucking everything. [yeah right.] Anyway, the sleep was good although I don't think I got a full night's rest.

Wild Mountain Spicy Chicken was the starter for Monday. Aww yeah. Finally I got to endulge in the greatness that is the spicy chicken. We headed back to Justin's so that Justin and Jeff could study their math and I could help them if needed. Instead there was more of DoD being played and much falling asleep on Justin's floor [my part]. Jeff and I headed to Vanessa's to welcome her back home as did Sarah and Megan just a few minutes after us. After conversing, Sarah headed home to study and Jeff, Megan, Vanessa, and I headed to BP's Lounge for some eats.

Some more sleeping, but not much.

Got up early for an eye appointment. That was the coolest eye appointment ever just because of the irony. I want to be an optometrist and I'm at the optometrist's that's doing what I want to do... yeah shut up. Anyway, I was talking to him and even he said, "Yeah, first year was a wake up call." There's hope. I'm going to change things next semester, I just hope I passed everything... speaking of which, I get to check my marks at 10PM on the 22nd... unofficial, and perhaps not all there, but I might as well rip the tape off quickly.

Anyway, so I got back home and finally got to the have the long awaited shower without sandals on, a shower door, and even a lockable bathroom door. Oh yeah, I was probably in there for a good hour.

I finally got to drive. I went to the mall to pick out new frames and get my prescription updated. I was so excited to drive I totally forgot the mall was going to be friggin' packed seeing as it's Christmas soon. Anyway, didn't end up finding anything I liked so I ordered a second pair of the same frames, updated my lenses, and made the new pair sunglasses. The normal pair was going to be done in an hour so I was like, "Yeah, sure, why not." I was at the mall anyway. I got to spend a good hour not being able to see anything unless it was right in front of me. I pretty much walked around that mall eight times staring at fuzzy colours. At one point I heard someone call out my name but I didn't bother seeing as I wouldn't be able to see Santa Claus giving me the middle finger if he were ten feet in front of me.

So basically I would look at people but I can't make out any distinctions other than hair colour, height, clothing etc. If they looked at me I wouldn't know and I probably looked pretty creepy just staring back. Anyway, I can't really make out faces unless they're around two feet in front of me or so, depending on lighting, situation, etc. I saw someone that I didn't expect to see - well, perhaps never expected to see again seeing as things ended rather strangely between us. Well, I think I saw them, I don't think my crappy eyes would play a trick like that on me. Anyway, back to the point, whatever that may be. It was odd. I can't say I've ever friendship turn so awry like that that you feel uncomfortable when you see them, even after all that what once was is long over. Perhaps it's the thought that the choices I made ruined what could have been a normal friendship. Oh well. It's all history now and I guess seeing as I'm not going to be here two thirds of the year, I don't have much to worry about. I guess I just wonder if they looked back. Afterall, I couldn't acknowledge anyone that looked at me, not even staff in stores because I can't see them. Enough on that.

I picked up my glasses and I was so thankful for a restored vision. For some odd reason I just wanted to walk around the mall one more time and actually be able to see it. For some freakishly odd reason I walked into HMV and ran into Jamie, Jocelyn, Caitlin, and one of their U of A friends, Jeff. Good timing. I decided to hang out, seeing as I hadn't seen Jamie in a long time. We did some store wandering and ate some Mickey D's. mmm. And then Caitlin said something to me that really got me thinking... I wasn't sure what to say. Even when I went home and was just lying in bed listening to music on my stereo and half falling asleep I ran everything through my head. I didn't know what to think. I wasn't sure if it made me happy or sad. It was a little bit of both thrown in, perhaps more of one than the other... I guess it was just a catalyst to thoughts in my head. It's all up in the air, I'm not even sure myself.

Took a nap. Woke up to Vanessa's phone call to pick them up to go to Schanks to see Jeff before he goes to Cali. It was actually Amy S.'s 18th birthday [Yeah, that's right you Ontarian's...] but most of us are gone before he gets back. So we get there and there are a bunch of people from High School. Interesting. A few minutes later even more people, this time people I knew since Elementary school like Scott and Nyle, and then even more came like Nikki and Jazmine, and more like Darti, Jesse, Amy, Elly and more and more. It was so weird. It was the craziest variety of people you could think of. I got to see so many people all in one night when I just expected to go and pretty much chill. I'm still pretty amazed at all the people that randomly showed up at the same place. [haha, Curtis. That's when we left.] On a random note, looks like all the pool playing skills have long gone since I last played. The very odd few survive but for the most part I can't even sink shots I set up myself anymore. Vanessa and I headed to Scott's and watched Three Kings and then headed home.


I feel so lost. I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know how to act, I don't know where to look. I don't understand what I see anymore and still my mind doesn't want to give up. I am lost. I am amiss.

That's all for now. I'm sure there's more but I'll let what's left churn in my mind as I lay here listening to music and contemplating each thought as I drift off to sleep to face another uncalculable day.

Homeward Bound

Yay, I'm about to go to sleep. I'll be home in about 14 and a half hours.

Oh, I've successfully gone a whole semester without getting my hair cut professionally, or by someone else. lol. I'm looking forward to a haircut.

Anyway, see ya later, Waterloo. Hello Calgary.

Ah yes, the term is over.

I finished my last exam today, at 10PM central, what a feeling it was to be done. Overall I think I did alright on most of my exams. There are a few iffy ones but I think I really pulled my act together in the last month of school.

My first three weeks were my most relaxed, and unknown at the time, the most crucial. Frosh week was full of watching the CSI Marathon on Spike TV. I ended up being called, "TV Guy" by some of the house residents. I had so much time to watch TV because I didn't sign up for any of the frosh events, resident or faculty. Frankly I came to this school to learn. I didn't plan on really getting to know anyone so I could get work done. Too bad I "don't have that kind of personality."

It all started with the opening cermonies where everyone and anyone was allowed to participate. I figured, "Hey, why not participate in one event.". After that was over I had thought I had gotten all my, "Whoopee, school spirit!" out of my system. Oh, but then the residence frosh program started hosting things like free movies in the field with free popcorn and pop. I mean, who could give that up? Especially when I just walked in and no one checked if I had paid for Frosh Week [I eventually got caught.]. Once again I thought, "Alright, seeing as I don't have those Frosh wristbands, I can't get into anything else anyway.".

But then came Monte Carlo Night. The one night where everyone dresses like they're pimpin' up the undergrad next to them and it's all good. I of course couldn't resist to fancy myself up even though I didn't plan on going. Being the super suave and sexy stud I am [har har har!] it was just a given that I was to be snuck in. Oh the night was filled with lots and lots of blackjack [for fake chips]. Then there was Toga, and then there was the festival day or whatever the crap it was called, and then the closing ceremonies where I broke down and showed school spirit.

So then it was just a given that I must get to know people. The first two weeks of classes were simple, go and learn. Sure there were the few odd weekly set of questions to do but there wasn't much, "I can do it later.". Suddenly BAM. Week three kicked me in the fucking jaw with metal cleats. Labs had started, mandatory tutorial, quizzes. What the crap! Where did all the time go? Those weekly problem sets that I could "do later" ended up being pushed aside. I had been getting in assignments and quizzes etc. in on time but I just never had time to do the problem sets. I lie. I had time, but after all the long hours working on other crap, you just want to do something else.

Ah, Billiards. What's one game of pool, ten, fifteen minutes? Suuuure, why not.
*fast forward an hour*
"Oh, looks like it's time to work."
"Let's go eat."
"Alright, fine."

You can guess where lots of time ended up going. Soon enough I was getting on average about six hours of sleep a night.

That dropped to four.

Midterms were creeping up. All of a sudden people thought, "What the flying fuck? I don't know any of this crap." and thus it reflected on midterms. Now everyone was in the "Hrm, shit. I need to get working." mood but as there was no break to catch up people still fell behind, myself included. It was an endless struggle to catch up with the occasional productive weekend or Thanksgiving break to do so, and the occasional unproductive weekend to kick you back down a rung. Sleep became something we only dreamed of [haaaa. lame joke.]. The second round of midterms were a mixed blessing. This time around people knew what was expected and did better in some, but just as bad or even worse in others.

Failure is something that people experience in life. Failing in life is something that people don't want to experience. The University of Waterloo is filled with some of the brightest minds from all over. Many are used to being able to breeze through academics without a sweat. Many began to see that it was no longer so.

I've learned a lot from my first term of university. I can probably say I've learned more non-academic related though. I have experienced living "on my own", a new environment, a new life. I have been pushed and pulled around physically and mentally so much that I have been torn up and mended back together only to be savagely ripped apart and beaten into the ground once more. I've been through hell and back, from depressions to joys. My mind and body have been put through a gauntlet.

For a while I was scared that I was going to fail. My average was under the requirements to stay in my program and the future just didn't seem bright. All my life's work to reach this point were going to be for nothing, all because I couldn't manage my time well. A life's goal was shattered.

Little did I know, others were experiencing the same. Others were getting poor marks and others were scared of failing. I had met many that had already given up on the prospects of applying to the School of Optometry, the same goal as mine but perhaps maybe not their life goal.

In that time, somewhere between the anger in myself and the tears that were shed I had an epiphany. I had found in myself a strength that the others I met may not have shared. I found persistence. I wasn't about to just give up like everyone else. I want to be able to achieve what I want to achieve. I want to be that Optometrist. I want more free dinners. haha.

For the past fourteen days I have been studying non-stop. I had improved my study habits ten-fold, perhaps because I forced myself to or because I had eight exams in nine days. Either way I changed my ways. My brain hurts [it literally does]. Now that the term is done, all I can do now is hope that my last ditch effort pays off and I'll be seeing the grungy buildings of Waterloo for more years to come.

If I could go back in time and tell myself what I would be walking into I would. If it I could tell others I would. Perhaps someday I will.

With this end of term post I shall leave the rest of the details for later times and wish the rest of you the best of luck on all of your classes and exams.

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind."
- William James (1842 - 1910)

Physics 111

Holy rape in the ass.

That's the general consensus from all the Physics 111 students today.

Biology 130

Hrm, so I'm thinking I spent a lot of time on Calculus worrying about passing that course when I probably could have spent more time on Biology. Seeing as if I don't pass this course now, I can't take a few of my Biology courses next year... that could be a problem. I went into the exam today with roughly a 70% and the exam is only worth 50%. It didn't seem too amazingly hard [as compared to my other exams and the midterm that I got 51.1% in] so I'm pretty sure I'll pass the course - I'm quite sure I won't get less than 30% on it. It would just be nice to get a decent mark.

Next semester is going to definitely be a whole lot different. I'm beginning to get a study habit again.

"Read between the lines/What's fucked up and everything's alright/Check my vital signs/To know I'm still alive and I walk alone"

Holy fuck. It's 5:21AM.

Matt walked into my room and suggested we do a last load of laundry before Christmas break. I frankly didn't give a crap but seeing as he was supplying the detergent and I had a good six loads my cheap side came out. Who can resist free? [Justin: Redeemed that free kick in the balls yet?] Yeah, so even though I always seem to do laundry when I have around five or six loads and I know it takes a few good hours I always seem to do it around midnight... Well one thing leads to the next and I'm trying to organize my closet, something I haven't done since I moved in.

It just seems like there isn't enough time for "my time". I mean, sure I can take a few minutes out of the day to do crap like this or check my email, which is sometimes school related. Then there are times when I spend time with friends in the house either because I decide to "take a break" or they decide to make me take a break.

Anyway, in other news, so far three exams out of 8 down. They've all been pretty good or so they felt. Physics lab exam probably the worst of them. Tomorrow, or shall I say today, is my one day off between them but I'm going to use it all studying Biology 130, my worst class. It's not that I'm bad at biology, it's that the class is everything I hate of biology. I'm looking foward to Human Physiology next term. Then again, I have Genetics to go along with that... and then another Cellular Biology-like course second year.

I met someone that felt pretty much in my same position; worried that they might not be in this program next term, are used to getting high 80's and 90's, used to like Calculus and did well in it in High School but are now not doing very well and hating it. On a complete tangent, of all the people I've met in Pre-Optometry/Pre-Health, all the guys don't seem to want to take Optometry but instead all the girls do. Also, there seems to be a lot more females enrolled in this program than males. My Chemistry Lab TA also told me that there are more women enrolled in the Optometry [not PRE-Optometry, the actual good stuff.] than men. Hrm. Strange thing is all the Optometrists I know of are males. I don't know where I'm going with this.

On a COMPLETELY off note.

Colin Bruce. He's 18, he's single, and all the girls want him. Drop by South 2, Village 1 when you've got a chance.

Happy, Brucy?

Psychology 101

"Writing about personal traumas in a diary [blog] can also help. When volunteers in other experiments did this, they had fewer health problems during the ensuing four to six months (Pennebaker, 1990). As one subject explained, 'Although I have not talked with anyone about what I wrote, I was finally able to deal with it, work through the pain instead of trying to block it out.'"

- Myers, G. (2004). Psychology: Seventh Edition. New York: Worth.

Funny... or is it?

So I walked into the caf at 1:40AM and guess what was playing on the overhead radio...

A little song we like to call, "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban.

Yeah...

No soup - er, survey for you!

Yep, I'd fill it out if I had time but I'm "busting my ass off working" [Exam Th, Fr, Sat, and Mon - Fri the week after.]

The Mental Journey

Just got back from the "Faculty of Science Eighteenth Annual Awards Banquet" where pretty much people that got awards got some more goodies - a free dinner. Damn, non-caf food. I mean, the meal was like you would expect at any other banquet [although better than at Bowness' Honours Society Banquet] but when you've been eating spicy chicken, clubhouse sandwhiches, fries, etc. for around 15 weeks, anything is better.

Anyway, turns out about 108 other people got a Science Entrance award compared to the few hundred that are on the Dean's Honour's list. It surprised me, seeing as University is usually harder. I most likely won't get on it for this term, but I still have next term to be on it. Afterall, you do get a free dinner.

All in all, the dinner pretty much made me think, "I've been to a few of these award banquet things in my time, I wouldn't want this one to be my last." Sure they're the same thing, sure it's the same foods, but it's all from the effort and hard work put into my own education that is what's really behind it all. I want that 80%. I don't want to fail a single class, I want to prove to myself that I am still who I was the previous twelve years of my education.

It starts now.

"One foot was placed infront of the other and the next infront of that... and so it began."

The Beginning of the End

Last of all lectures ended Monday and 23 hour Quiet Hours are now in effect in all residences. The University of Waterloo appears to have been abandoned, but really it's the 11 000 or so first year undergraduates studying as hard as they can to make up for the semester they didn't expect to be thrown at so hard. I seem to be in a popular boat, atleast amongst others in my program. Many had the dream of becoming an Optometrist but their first term marks have put them off. I haven't met many that have stuck to their goal yet. I believe however that I may have a step up. My marks might not be as comparable to others, but I have the determination.

For about two years I've had the goal of becoming an Optometrist. Something inside me just clicked to that profession. For one the eyes are amazing. Eyes can make a person, not only physically, but mentally. The eyes allow one to see the world in which they live in. How they decide to perceive their visions are what makes up part of who they are. To deprive someone of sight is to deprive someone of so much. I believe that the greatest gift would be sight... of course, that's based on it also being the worst to have have taken away.

Vision is taken for granted. I am grateful for having vision, it's slightly impaired [nearsightedness], but I can still see. Sometimes I take my glasses off and look at the world around me. Immediatley the world has lost it's clarity. I could not imagine the day I open my eyes and see nothing from then on.

I want to be able to preserve sight in those that are granted with it. I've run across, or overheard, so many other students in the Pre-Optometry/Pre-Health [or as it is now being called, Biomedical Sciences] program that have given up on their original plan to apply to Optometry. I will apply in the minimum two years. If I don't make it, I'll apply in third year. If I don't make it then I'll have a degree in Life Sciences and apply once more. I'll apply to the States if I have to.

I am truly lucky to have a father that invested in our [my brothers and I] education so that we could go through post-secondary without the worries of having enough money. I have met so many people that are paying everything out of their own pockets. I hope that when I am done that I can somehow repay what luxury of an education I have been given and also be able to do the same for my kids when I'm older.

"Greatness lies not only in what we achieve, but in the determination to achieve what we believe is greatness."

Granola Wars

I'm recovering from a "Box of expired, rock hard, granola bar" war wound. I got pegged in the head. Specifically chocolate chip "chewy" bars. Not so chewy.

"He's as blind as he can be/just sees what he wants to see"

Fucking Calculus. I have an assignment due on the very last day of class, Monday. These damned assignments take up so much time that it pushes everything else out of the way. I would have imagined that spending so much time on one subject would result in a better mark. I calculated my averages to see what I need to get on the finals in order to have a decent mark, turns out Calculus is at a fabulous 59.76%. Better news for the other classes though, sort of. I included almost everything that is possibly graded in my lectures and some marks went up, some down. I think I'm passingmy major at the moment... let's just say that.

Anyway, on the 14th weekend away from home I can sit here in this box of a home with my thoughts.

"Optimism puts things in a higher perspective. You live and breathe off the hope of something spectacular. When reality kicks you in the back you just have farther to fall. So why does pessimism have a bad reputation? I would rather trip over my feet than be pushed off a building."

Lethargy

To tell you the truth, I've got nothing. All I have is to focus on passing my first fucking semester. I don't give a shit if my fucking laundry doesn't get done, if I don't gel my hair in the morning, or I haven't showered in a few days. "Eeew" you think.

Well fuck off.
I'm not here to impress anyone nor is there anyone here I need to impress.

Done.

Yeah. I got nothing to say.

It's raining at the moment, there's a nice pitter patter on the window and my room is at a pleasant temperature.

I slept through all my classes today, I don't know how. I have three alarms, two actual alarms from one alarm clock and another from a watch on a plastic karabiner that I clip my keys to. I'm thinking of bringing my other alarm down from my room in Calgary.

Well... that's about it for now.

$238.08